Tiffany Haddish on Her Famous White Dress, Steve Urkel, and 'Girls Trip' Audition

In this Screen Tests interview, comedy superstar Tiffany Haddish talks about her crush on Jaleel White aka Steve Urkel on TGIF sitcom 'Family Matters', sucking her thumb for way too long, her audition for 'Girls Trip', Skype sexting, how she acquired her expensive white Alexander McQueen dress worn at every awards show, why she loves farts, men who think they're really smart but aren't, and epic fails then gives a moving toast with a bottle of champagne.

Released on 4/19/2018

Credits

Starring: Tiffany Haddish

Transcript

00:00
My celebrity crush growing up was (laughs)...
00:05
Jaleel White, I was in love with Steve Urkel, okay?
00:08
The only other black man that I knew
00:11
that had his own cereal, where it was like
00:13
shaped like him, was Mr. T.
00:16
Steve Urkel had his own, he had Urkel bots,
00:19
he had his own cereal, okay?
00:22
It was delicious and semi-nutritious.
00:28
Steve Urkel has the same kind of
00:29
resilient spirit that I have.
00:31
I'm just determined to accomplish certain things.
00:33
Ever since I was a little sperm
00:36
and I was surrounded by all those other sperms
00:38
that were stronger than me, you know
00:40
had a longer tail than my tail,
00:43
swam faster than me, they would make fun of me
00:45
like look at you, you got a little tail,
00:47
you ain't gonna make it to the egg.
00:48
And I be like, well you don't know that.
00:51
I fought 'em, I made my way through.
00:53
And I got, I got knocked into walls,
00:56
got knocked into (laughs) other sperms,
00:58
you know it was a, it was a battle.
01:00
But I made it to the egg, and you know what?
01:02
That's resilience.
01:04
I sucked my thumb from the time I was born
01:06
'til I was 18 years old and my grandma
01:08
used to always be like, you gonna ruin yo teeth,
01:10
you gonna mess yo mouth up.
01:11
And I'm like uh-uh grandma I know how to suck it,
01:13
I'm gonna be just fine.
01:15
(interviewer laughs)
01:17
Now I only suck my thumb now when I'm super mad
01:19
so if you ever catch me sucking my thumb
01:22
know that I really wanna fight somebody.
01:24
That there's a lot of anger and hurt inside me
01:27
and I don't know how to control myself
01:29
so I just put my thumb in my mouth
01:31
to keep me from saying messed-up, fucked-up shit.
01:35
The audition for Girls Trip was a process.
01:39
When I read the script I was like,
01:40
yo somebody has been partying with me.
01:43
Somebody knows me.
01:45
Somebody has been stealing events
01:47
from my existence and amplified it.
01:50
My agent says, Tiffany they only wanna see names.
01:54
They don't wanna see you, they only wanna see names.
01:56
And I told my agent you call them back
01:58
and you tell them that I've had a name since 1979
02:02
and it's Tiffany mother-fucking Haddish
02:04
and they better let me audition.
02:06
Do a director's audition and that will be on Skype.
02:09
And I'm like, Skype?
02:10
I'm only used to Skype sexting.
02:13
Malcolm Lee came up on the screen
02:14
I was like, hey it's me Tiffany Haddish
02:16
let me just let you know right now
02:19
I'm used to Skype sexting.
02:20
So if I start to like take off something
02:22
or whatever it gets really sexual,
02:24
'cause I'm gonna tell you right now
02:25
them post-its behind you and everything
02:27
the way the light is hitting your face
02:28
it's kinda sexy to me,
02:29
'cause it look like you got a job.
02:31
I was at home watching cartoons
02:34
just chillin' on the couch, eatin' my little salad
02:40
and then I'm watching TV right, just chillin'
02:42
and my phone rings and I answer it and
02:45
my agent's like, Tiffany you have about three days.
02:49
You need to pack up and get to New Orleans.
02:50
I was like what?
02:52
He said, You got the part, you're gonna be going
02:53
to New Orleans in three days.
02:54
I was like hey, she wrecked, wait three days?
02:59
The first thing I ever wore on the red carpet
03:01
was a pink dress from Forever 21.
03:03
It showed off my legs, it showed off my shoulders.
03:07
But it had a big ruffle (laughs) on one side.
03:09
For Girls Trip I wore a white Alexander McQueen dress
03:13
that costed $4000.
03:16
$4122 to be exact.
03:19
So the buying process of this $4122 dress
03:23
by Alexander McQueen, went like this.
03:26
I hired a stylist.
03:28
I told her, I don't have a lot of money for clothes
03:30
but I wanna look nice on the red carpet for Girls Trip.
03:33
She said, Girl, if you tryin' to make it
03:35
to the next level in your career,
03:37
you gonna have to spend a little money.
03:39
I said my money is not for clothes.
03:40
My money is for my family.
03:42
She said, okay Tiff but you gotta look your best.
03:45
I said, alright I'm down to look my best.
03:47
You know, whatever it takes.
03:48
So then she brings these dresses to my house, right?
03:51
None of the dresses fit but the Alexander McQueen dress.
03:54
Now the other dresses was way more affordable.
03:57
A thousand, two thousand, one was even $800,
04:02
but none of 'em fit.
04:03
And I wear that dress to the red carpet of Girls Trip
04:07
and then she give me the receipt.
04:10
And when I saw the receipt...
04:17
I cried.
04:18
So I'm wearing this dress multiple fucking times.
04:21
I don't care what nobody say.
04:23
That's a lot of money to spend.
04:24
That's a down payment on a car.
04:27
You know that's a whole medical bill.
04:30
Like that's a lot of, that's just way too much money
04:33
to spend on clothes like...
04:34
And when you somebody like me who's been homeless
04:37
like clothes are not that, really clothes
04:39
are not that important to me like.
04:42
A roof over my head, food in my stomach,
04:44
my family's health, like those things
04:46
I think that's what money's for
04:48
and I think that's what's most important but
04:50
I guess fashion helps...
04:52
Get more money.
04:55
So we ride.
04:58
There's a lot of things that make me laugh.
05:01
Farts are hilarious to me.
05:04
I think farts are one of the most,
05:06
I think that's God's little sense of humor.
05:09
When people fart (laughs) I think that is so funny.
05:13
Men that think they're really smart but they're not.
05:16
That makes me laugh so hard.
05:18
When a man, when a grown man is
05:20
tryin' to tell you what's right
05:22
and he is so wrong, that to me is hilarious.
05:27
That to me is very funny.
05:28
Epic fails.
05:30
Epic fails are funny because you know,
05:32
in failures there's success.
05:33
Like you learn what not to do.
05:35
And so I can find the funny in a lot of failures.
05:40
'Cause I've had enough of 'em.
05:41
This is my award I guess, a bottle of champagne.
05:44
And this, this goes out...
05:46
Oh let me stop shakin' it.
05:47
This goes out to, this thank you of the champagne
05:52
is to everyone who ever laughed at any of my stupid jokes,
05:56
or appreciated me sharing a story.
05:59
And if you didn't you don't get no champagne.
06:03
Now pop bottles.
06:04
(champagne pops)
06:06
(interviewer laughs)
06:08
Ah.
06:10
I tried to get the white stuff
06:11
but it got away from lips.