Screen Tests

Episode 77

Emma Watson

Episode 64

Jared Leto

Episode 56

Will Ferrell

Episode 55

Lea Seydoux

Episode 52

Emma Watson

Episode 49

Richard Gere

Episode 48

Joan Smalls

Episode 41

Karlie Kloss

Episode 40

Tom Cruise

Episode 39

Clive Owen

Episode 37

Jessica Biel

Episode 35

Uggie

Episode 34

Viola Davis

Episode 32

James Franco

Episode 31

Jonah Hill

Episode 24

Melissa Leo

Episode 18

Mark Ruffalo

Episode 16

Mila Kunis

Episode 15

Emma Stone

Episode 4

Jake Gyllenhaal Thought He Could Get Out of a Speeding Ticket Because He Played a Cop

Unfortunately, cops don't care that you were a fake one onscreen—the latest among many humiliating lessons Gyllenhaal has learned about existence as an actor, some of which he shares here.

Released on 1/10/2018

Credit

Transcript

00:00
I know you're gonna be surprised,
00:01
but I'm gonna make a giraffe out of this.
00:03
This thing.
00:04
Sometimes, I feel like the creation of something
00:06
is more meaningful than the result, the process.
00:10
In this case, that's exactly,
00:12
this is literally the definition of that.
00:14
Okay, let's try.
00:16
What's cool about this is,
00:18
all of us performers are equalized
00:19
by doing some stupid task
00:21
that none of us can really, truly accomplish,
00:23
so all we're doing is just emphasizing
00:25
what everybody already knows,
00:27
which is that we are basically
00:29
just not good at anything
00:31
besides saying other people's lines.
00:33
Thank you.
00:38
My favorite one I ever wore was no Halloween costume
00:40
because essentially, that's my job.
00:42
My job is to just dress up
00:43
like almost everyday is Halloween,
00:45
like on this photo shoot,
00:47
but then also just in characters I play,
00:48
so what people don't really know,
00:50
which I'm always surprised at,
00:51
is why actors aren't excited about Halloween
00:53
'cause they live it everyday.
00:54
I think, maybe, I was just traumatized
00:56
by my costumes that my dad helped me create
00:58
when I was a kid.
00:59
My dad worked with Red Grooms, the artist,
01:01
so he designed all these really outlandish things
01:04
made out of cardboard for Halloween
01:06
that I wore and were torturous.
01:08
He made a house, and the house had rooms in it.
01:11
They were all lit up by Christmas lights
01:13
and each one had a different scene,
01:14
like, one scene where people like fighting,
01:16
the other one was someone was reading to a child,
01:18
and there was also one
01:18
where people were eating dinner downstairs,
01:20
and the house fit on top of my head,
01:22
and I could look out one of the windows.
01:24
The chimney was where you put the candy, right,
01:27
so I wore it on my head and then I had a backpack
01:29
with a battery pack, no joke,
01:31
with all that that lit up all the lights in the house.
01:34
But, I couldn't move my knees farther than, like,
01:36
maybe three or four inches, so every time I would walk,
01:38
my knees would hit the front of this thing.
01:40
On my way upstairs to get, like, candy,
01:42
I would fall flat over and I wouldn't really know
01:45
where I was going,
01:46
and then no one could really hear me very well,
01:48
so when I would ask people for candy,
01:51
they'd be like, "Sorry, excuse me, trick or treat?"
01:53
I'd be like, "Treat," and it'd be like, [muffled speaking]
01:55
and they'd be like, "What?"
01:57
"Where do we put the candy?",
01:58
and my dad would be, like, sitting there like,
01:59
"Let's see if they know," and then they'd, like,
02:02
occasionally, they'd just give up
02:04
and I'd be left there with the door closed,
02:05
or sometimes they would, like, drop,
02:07
try to put it through the windows and stuff like that.
02:09
The chimney thing didn't work out.
02:11
I was freed, like, 30, 45 minutes into it
02:14
'cause my dad was like, "I can't do that to you."
02:16
I think I was, like, Elvis Presley one year
02:18
and that was fine.
02:19
My sister dyed my hair with Manic Panic.
02:22
Someone asked me, the other day,
02:25
why am I an actor, and the answer was,
02:27
"Because Manic Panic had its way with my brain, probably,
02:30
"I don't know."
02:31
You know, my first kiss was in
02:33
the stairwell in elementary school.
02:35
In the stairwell, right, the door closed
02:37
and we, like, we kissed.
02:38
It was peck, you want, like,
02:40
what was the first sloppy one?
02:42
Outside a bowling alley.
02:43
It was a birthday party
02:46
of a friend of mine who was having a birthday party
02:49
at a bowling alley.
02:50
I didn't even know it was gonna happen.
02:52
We were, like, talking outside
02:53
and she sort of made the first move.
02:56
I was like,
02:58
"This is the beginning of the end," yeah.
03:01
Yeah, it was wonderful.
03:02
I remember asking my grandfather about
03:04
when he first kissed my grandmother.
03:07
I was going around Queens with him
03:08
'cause we were touring around where he grew up.
03:10
We went to a park out there and he said,
03:12
"I remember on the first date
03:14
"where I took your grandmother."
03:15
They were divorced many years before.
03:18
I said, "What was it like?"
03:19
He said, he closed his eyes, he said,
03:22
"Glorious."
03:24
Like that.
03:24
I love dogs.
03:26
I just love them.
03:27
They are so playful, they bring that out in us,
03:29
if you allow it.
03:30
I don't think I'm that playful, generally.
03:33
I need to be reminded of it, so they remind me of that.
03:36
When I housebroke my dog, it was, like,
03:38
probably one of the most proudest moments I've had
03:40
[interviewer laughing] in the past three years,
03:41
you know?
03:42
It was, like, such tremendous triumph.
03:45
Every three hours, taking my dog out to pee, from his crate
03:49
and then finally, one day, I didn't have to.
03:51
It was like, [interviewer laughs]
03:54
it was amazing, it was truly, truly amazing.
03:58
Yeah, those are the little things.
04:00
[Interviewer] What was your first pet's name?
04:02
Rosie.
04:03
Now, everybody knows every code
04:05
to every one of my passwords. [interviewer laughing]
04:07
Fuck.
04:08
Every fucking code, "What was the first street
04:10
"you lived on, what was your first pet?"
04:11
I'm like, "Fuck."
04:14
The first street I lived on was Norton.
04:16
[Interviewer] So you're Rosie Norton.
04:18
Yeah, my porn name, yeah.
04:19
Your porn name. Is that what it is, right,
04:21
is that what you were gonna ask?
04:23
Yeah.
04:24
I mean, right? [interviewer laughs]
04:28
It's always good to be friends with the cops.
04:29
I actually recently, unfortunately, got a speeding ticket,
04:32
which I was like, "Watch this, it's cool.
04:35
"I got this."
04:36
And then he was like, "License and registration, please,"
04:38
I was like, "But I mean, buddy,"
04:39
he was like, "License, registration."
04:41
I was like, "I play a cop."
04:42
He was like, "Go fuck yourself."
04:45
So, that didn't help.
04:47
I get the nod, at least I get the nod.
04:49
I still got the fucking ticket, but I got the nod.